Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize