I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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