You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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