My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
40s are totally the cure
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
