I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
