And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Boobs are out for the taking
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
