Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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