I bet he comes in French.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
