Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
