oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Randomize