Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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