she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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