At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
and she was petting her beer can
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
