So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You've changed since you got that strap on
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
