I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
