he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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