note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
