i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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