Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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