thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
