Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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