She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize