Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
