It's a beautiful day for a hangover
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
