My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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