Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Green mimosas i think yes
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
