for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
