Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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