So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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