He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
