I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
