We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
cat food counts as protein by the way
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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