I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
