My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize