Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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