If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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