accomplished twins. life is a go
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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