I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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