So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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