A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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