You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
