i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
