I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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