Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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