we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
