My first STD was from a foam party
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
