i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
