Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize