laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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