It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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