Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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