I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
