Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
