she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
