she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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