Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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