So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
