I could have mohawked her pubes.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
3 2 1 whiskey
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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