WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize