my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
