i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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