Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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