We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize