I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
