The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
