i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
