We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
