I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
