too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
