I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
