i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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