That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
