just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
