already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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