I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
that is very illegal...i love you.
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