I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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