a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
