It's like God shit irony all over that family
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
