Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
