Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
