when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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