We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
