yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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