I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
