I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
home. puking in laundry basket.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
