its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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