she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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