just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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