Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
where am i from again
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
