I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
